The Lie of Anxiety

It has been almost 3 years since one of the most stormy seasons in my life when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It took me all of my life to finally give in and get help for this "demon" that terrorized me so often. I pushed it off for a long time and called it other things (health problems, a way to "protect myself," a defense mechanism). However none of the things I called it were anywhere near the truth. 

I grew up knowing what Jesus said in His word. "Do not be anxious about anything. But, in everything by prayer, and supplication, WITH THANKSGIVING make your requests known to God." Philippians 4:6. The thing is I thought I was doing this. Every time I had an anxiety attack I prayed. I made my requests known to God (sometimes very loudly too). I even thanked Him when He took it all away and I felt better. Ha! How little I knew that I was doing the polar opposite of what Jesus was saying to do. 

3 years ago, my anxiety reached a new level and took me down a road of utter depression. No matter what I prayed, or how often I studied God's Word, I was stuck, and I didn't see a way out. Thankfully God in His absolute faithfulness, and purely "wonderfulness," and goodness, stepped in and gave me a counselor who I am so blessed to have had. She told me that I had a choice. I never realized that. She told me that in order to move on in my life I had to change my way of thinking to rewire my brain, and the mess that anxiety caused. She told me that I could because I had a choice. She told me that Jesus in His mercy did not tell us not to be anxious to condemn us. He did not even tell us not to do it, and then just leave it at that. People with anxiety know it isn't that easy to just stop being anxious. 2 verses down in Philippians 4:8, the answer is made clear. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy-think on these things." Jesus knew what anxiety can do to us. It takes our eyes off of Him and onto lies. It takes our eyes off of Him and makes us think of what if's, and problems that are not even there. It makes us vulnerable to attacks of the devil that God never meant for us to bear. 

I still struggle with anxiety and I now know I always will. But I also know, it does not define me, and it does not rule me. Last night I had an anxiety attack. In that moment, the same lie that I always believed came back. "I have to worry about this, and think of the worst possible scenario, so that I can protect myself. I don't want to be stupid. What if there is a problem? I have to acknowledge it." Notice the keywords..."I have to worry." "What if." Someone without anxiety would have been able to pick that up right away. It takes me longer. Suddenly it was as if the atmosphere in the entire room shifted, as I shifted towards the lies. My son began crying loudly, and reacting off of my nerves, as I was yelling out my worries to my husband. I knew I needed to take a step back, but I had "jumped the gun" again. I finally took my son to get ready for bed, and as I lay there putting him to sleep, I began to cry and soften to the voice of my Saviour. "Notice the shift in the atmosphere? You don't have to run down this path. Remember you can choose. Is this how you want to spend the rest of tonight? Your son needs you to be peaceful. You need to be peaceful. Turn that atmosphere around again." Tears poured down my face as I let it go to my God. My heart was filled with abounding peace, and the atmosphere around me, and inside of me changed in an instant. 

Anxiety will always seem like the right path to choose. That is its trap. I am thankful that I now know what I never would have in the past. I am thankful now that I know I have a choice, and can choose a different path, before anxiety chooses me. I am thankful for the victory over every sin that Jesus gives us in His Word. I am thankful that He commands us not to worry because He loves us so much, and He would rather see us in His perfect peace. I leave you with this verse, and the song that played as I put my son to sleep last night. If you struggle with anxiety, please be blessed in knowing you have a God who loves you, and who is on your side. He has given you all you need to succeed and recieve His victory. The choice is yours. 

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." Isaiah 26:3.

I am linking this week with Meg Weyerbacher #TeaAndWordTuesday