The Lie of Anxiety

It has been almost 3 years since one of the most stormy seasons in my life when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It took me all of my life to finally give in and get help for this "demon" that terrorized me so often. I pushed it off for a long time and called it other things (health problems, a way to "protect myself," a defense mechanism). However none of the things I called it were anywhere near the truth. 

I grew up knowing what Jesus said in His word. "Do not be anxious about anything. But, in everything by prayer, and supplication, WITH THANKSGIVING make your requests known to God." Philippians 4:6. The thing is I thought I was doing this. Every time I had an anxiety attack I prayed. I made my requests known to God (sometimes very loudly too). I even thanked Him when He took it all away and I felt better. Ha! How little I knew that I was doing the polar opposite of what Jesus was saying to do. 

3 years ago, my anxiety reached a new level and took me down a road of utter depression. No matter what I prayed, or how often I studied God's Word, I was stuck, and I didn't see a way out. Thankfully God in His absolute faithfulness, and purely "wonderfulness," and goodness, stepped in and gave me a counselor who I am so blessed to have had. She told me that I had a choice. I never realized that. She told me that in order to move on in my life I had to change my way of thinking to rewire my brain, and the mess that anxiety caused. She told me that I could because I had a choice. She told me that Jesus in His mercy did not tell us not to be anxious to condemn us. He did not even tell us not to do it, and then just leave it at that. People with anxiety know it isn't that easy to just stop being anxious. 2 verses down in Philippians 4:8, the answer is made clear. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy-think on these things." Jesus knew what anxiety can do to us. It takes our eyes off of Him and onto lies. It takes our eyes off of Him and makes us think of what if's, and problems that are not even there. It makes us vulnerable to attacks of the devil that God never meant for us to bear. 

I still struggle with anxiety and I now know I always will. But I also know, it does not define me, and it does not rule me. Last night I had an anxiety attack. In that moment, the same lie that I always believed came back. "I have to worry about this, and think of the worst possible scenario, so that I can protect myself. I don't want to be stupid. What if there is a problem? I have to acknowledge it." Notice the keywords..."I have to worry." "What if." Someone without anxiety would have been able to pick that up right away. It takes me longer. Suddenly it was as if the atmosphere in the entire room shifted, as I shifted towards the lies. My son began crying loudly, and reacting off of my nerves, as I was yelling out my worries to my husband. I knew I needed to take a step back, but I had "jumped the gun" again. I finally took my son to get ready for bed, and as I lay there putting him to sleep, I began to cry and soften to the voice of my Saviour. "Notice the shift in the atmosphere? You don't have to run down this path. Remember you can choose. Is this how you want to spend the rest of tonight? Your son needs you to be peaceful. You need to be peaceful. Turn that atmosphere around again." Tears poured down my face as I let it go to my God. My heart was filled with abounding peace, and the atmosphere around me, and inside of me changed in an instant. 

Anxiety will always seem like the right path to choose. That is its trap. I am thankful that I now know what I never would have in the past. I am thankful now that I know I have a choice, and can choose a different path, before anxiety chooses me. I am thankful for the victory over every sin that Jesus gives us in His Word. I am thankful that He commands us not to worry because He loves us so much, and He would rather see us in His perfect peace. I leave you with this verse, and the song that played as I put my son to sleep last night. If you struggle with anxiety, please be blessed in knowing you have a God who loves you, and who is on your side. He has given you all you need to succeed and recieve His victory. The choice is yours. 

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." Isaiah 26:3.

I am linking this week with Meg Weyerbacher #TeaAndWordTuesday

Countdown to Fall

Countdown to Fall week 2

This week I tried a new recipe that my Mom told me about. Crockpot spaghetti sauce sounded weird, but oh my gosh it was wonderful! I think I am hooked on this new method. 

It cooks all day for 6-8 hours and all the yumminess just melds together as it cooks down.  I will post the recipe below:

Crockpot spaghetti sauce:

4-8 large slicer tomatoes (depending on how many you are cooking for)

1 large chopped Onion

3-4 Minced garlic cloves

Salt 

Pepper

Basil

1 Tbsp honey

1-2 cans tomato paste (for thickening)

Fresh basil leaves at the last half hour

So basically you just throw all of this into the crockpot. I quarted my tomatoes first. Next time I think I will remove the skins as well. I put it on high for 3 hours and then turned it down to low the last 3 hours. The last 3 hours is when you will want to add a can or two of tomato paste. At the last half hour I added fresh basil, and it just made the sauce that much more delicious. You can use an immersion blender at the end if you have one to make the sauce all come together. I don't have one, so I used a potato masher, and it worked great because the tomatoes were already so cooked down. When it's all said and done...enjoy!! Mmm...

Yesterday my son enjoyed the new fall window clings I found at the dollar store. It didn't hold his attention for too long, but c'mon! Nothing holds a 1 1/2 year old's attention for more than a couple minutes at a time anyways. He had fun sticking and un-

sticking the pieces, and I had fun explaining what each picture was. Here is a shot of his hand at work ;)

I hope you are all enjoying the end of this summer season! Blessings! 

Blessings

Well, this week I put out a little bit more of my fall decor. Just a little at a time. As I put up my new fall banner that says blessings my heart stirred and I got choked up.

Immediately my mind went to the song by Laura Story called Blessings. A few years ago, my family lost a dear friend to an unfortunate disease. The disease came over her suddenly and took us all by surprise. She was a prayer warrior, and had the sweetest heart. I never met anyone quite like her. She would make it a priority to pray for you and anyone important to you even if she did not know them, and she always had words of encouragement, or scriptures to share. In the last moments of her life, she began to lose ability to talk, but right before her words left her, she shared something with another friend of ours. The song Blessings had just been recently released, and she told our friend that the song deeply touched her and she felt like the song was written for her trial that she had to walk through. How amazing that those were some of the last words we heard her speak. Even at the end, she knew that in order to go on another day, she had to look up and gain strength from our Lord. As I put up the banner, and the words of that song flooded my memory, I began to cry. I put that song on and listened. It was as if from Heaven she was cheering me on and reminding me to look up and count my full blessings--to remember that all we have comes from Jesus. At the end of the day, I want to remember this. Even on my worst days, all that I have, can be offered back up to the Father. He will keep safe what He has entrusted to us here. I will never forget Bev, and the legacy that she left behind that still lives on today. I feel blessed that everytime I look at my blessings banner, I will remember her, remember the song, and remember to give it all back to Jesus..."the author and perfector of our faith."

Countdown to fall

Countdown to Fall!

Welcome to a new series I want to start for the month ahead. I love Fall so much that every year at about this time I get all antsy and feel the need to prepare my home for the coming season. Here is where I will share things I have found, and ways I plan to use them in my home. I hope to take you on a fall home tour when it all comes together at the beginning of next month. So here goes week one of counting down to fall!

I'll start with a small haul of items I have picked up. Dollar Tree is a huge favorite of mine for the fall and winter seasons. They have cute little decor pieces, and cute items for young kids as well...

They have super cute wall decor right now. I love the Farm Fresh sign I found in one of their boxes of wall art. I had to dig a little before I found what I liked. I picked up a cute pumpkin welcome sign for my front door. I am not sure how well it will hold up in colder weather, but it is only a dollar so I am not too worried. I picked up some cute stuffed owls to set around the house. My son will have fun with those. I also found 2 packets of colorful leaves that I can place around my dining table. I saw on pinterest a cute idea for using those to have your young child learn to rake them up with a play rake. I think my son would love something like that. It sounded like a good rainy day idea. Then I found some fun fridge magnets and window clings for "Bubba" and I to play around with. If you have not checked out dollar tree, now is the time! 

Here is my very small Hobby Lobby haul...

I was so thrilled to find the burlap banner to go over my fireplace mantle! I have always wanted one. It says Blessings and I thought it would be perfect for fall! Everything here cost me a measly $12! I have been told, when shopping at Hobby Lobby never pay full price for anything. If you see something you like, chances are it will go on sale soon anyways! That is what I love about Hobby Lobby...sales, sales, and more sales!

That's all for now. Come back as I post more next time! Blessings!

I Am Enough

I am a dreamer. In lots of ways this is a good thing. Dreamers are creators. Dreamers are always coming up with new ideas, and new plans. The thing about me though, is I am always planning two steps ahead. If I see a mess in my home, I immediately see the work I will have to do later to clean it up when I am tired, or wanting to do something else, and so I don't wait to pick it up...I do it "now." When I am doing an activity with my son (a puzzle, coloring, dancing to his favorite songs), I am planning out new activities to do in the months ahead. If I am cooking a meal, I am planning the rest of the week's meals in my mind like a list. 

All of this is fine, but the thing that happens to me is, if things don't go according to how I had hoped, I can become very hard on myself. I can become anxious even at times. This is where God has been changing my perspective just a little bit. 

Since becoming a parent, I have had to learn (just as every new parent has), that everything changes in an instant. Life revolves around that child (or children), and hardly ever if ever, do things go according to plan...or to the "dream."  As a parent, you find that your capacity to love is boundless. As a parent you see in reality, how quickly days pass by. As a parent, you discover that life is about moments, snapshots. The little blessings become the big blessings. 

Unless I take time to conciously slow down for even 5 minutes to soak in the look on my son's face as he figures out something new, or the smell of the food I am preparing and the ways it makes me feel, or the times I watch my husband play with my son, I miss the moments, the snapshots. I miss what Jesus is saying to me in that very moment. 

Once in a while, the Lord will catch me off gaurd. Yesterday He did. Yesterday was Monday, and my little Bubba and I were tired from a big enjoyable weekend with family. I had only grocery shopping on my list of "to-do's" for the day. As I was dressing "Bubba" I began to go through my dreams as I always do...I began to run 2 steps ahead...and I began to panic. "I am too tired today to do much more than grocery shop. "

"What if I am too tired to get out the door with 'Bubba' and there is no dinner on the table tonight?" 

"I have to plan some kind of fun activity. Grocery shopping is not enough for my son's growing brain."

"I am not a good Mom today."

And then came the still small voice. The ever present help in time of need. He whispered..."I Am Enough. Let me be your "today." At the time I thought it meant that I should read Bible stories with my son, and I did, and we both enjoyed it. It wasn't until later at night, as I drifted off to sleep , that I understood what He meant. 

Jesus wanted me to slow down. Slow down the anxious thoughts. Slow down the critical words over myself. Slow down. Just be. He wanted me to take in the moments of the day I was given and recieve Him. He wanted to be enough for me. 

Do you struggle with thinking too far ahead? When was the last time you took a step back to thank Him, for all He has given, and just drink in the moment? When we truely do this, our perspective does change. Somehow, in the stillness of that inward moment, Jesus is enough, and we can better recieve the snapshots, and blessings of the day!! I pray you find all the blessings He has for you today! 

Housewife life confessionals

Well, my son is napping, so I decided to get up a little blog here. I am starting to hear a little stirring, so just like everything in life as a Mom, I have to work quickly. Today was bathroom cleaning day. Just like every housewife out there knows, some days are just not any fun to look forward to. Some people hate doing laundry, some women hate cooking, or mopping. I HATE bathroom cleaning day. In my opinion, why would anyone enjoy it? Yuck. Just yuck. But that is okay. I have set up a little system for myself. I get down on my knees and I pray, I mean war pray over those bathrooms! Heehee. Not really. I do reward myself however. Most days I try to accomodate my husbands tastes and cook what he likes. Even if it is not extravagant (and trust me, it very rarely is. Momma don't got time for that!), I try to please him. However, on bathroom cleaning day...I cook what I like :). So, today I put lemon pepper pork chops in the crock pot, and when he comes home, I will just look at him as helpless as I can and declare, "I had to clean the bathrooms. I needed a pick me up." Ha. I also try to plan a fun outing. Today I plan on going out to explore decor, and get some ideas for fall. I also want to go look at some fun craft ideas that my son and I can do for the end of summer, and early fall. I wish I could post pics, like a little haul of everything I find, but I am still learning how to use blogger, so it will be some time before I get all fancy. Don't give up on me just yet. I'll get there someday! Have a blessed day and remember to look up! May the God hope fill you with all sorts of blessings today!